35 We aren’t together
I looked at Alan waiting for him to explain. But he didn't, he just laughed it off, saying he meant us hiding. But I knew it was more than that, the way Xavier tensed up it has too be something more.
"Why are you here?" I ask him.
"Don't you want me here?" he says smiling
"You must have a reason" i say looking at Stephanie
Did he bring her here to help? Did he want to help her get away as well.
"Why don't you go help Stephanie change out of her wet clothes, I need to talk to Alan" Xavier says smiling tightly at me
"What? Why can't you talk to him with me here" I ask him getting off his lap, what an actual dick.
"Because it doesn't concern you" I hear Alan say
"Yes it does. Anything you talk about concerns me because we are together" i say pointing at Xavier
"You dumped me remember, so no we aren't together right now" I looked at him shocked. He was stating facts but still cheap shot. Was he only acting this way because Alan was here. Did Alan bring out his evil self?
"Fuck you Xavier" giving him the finger "have fun sleeping with Alan tonight, come on Stephanie let's go" I pulled her with me.
I locked my room door behind me and looked at her. She was looking around the room. I cleaned it this morning so it wasn't too messy, just the bed was unmade.
"I can give you clothes too change into" I tell her going inside the closet
"You can sleep with me tonight" I called out from the closet
"Are you sure, what about Xavier?"
"He doesn't sleep with me" I tell her "we kinda got in a fight"
"I moved out of his room" she looked at me surprised
I gave her the clothes, she thanked me and went into the bathroom. I sat on the bed waiting for her
"What happened between you guys" she called out
"Cara" I say rolling my eyes, I wondered how she was doing now
"Wait Cara was here" she says coming out changed. I gave a black jogger and a white t shirt
"You know her?"
"Kind off..." she trailed off
I waited for her to continue as she sat on the bed, but she didn't . Her face gave it away that she didn't want to talk about it. But that just makes me more curious.
" if I tell you, you can't freak out ok" she warns me
I nodded at me but I could feel myself freaking out already. What was she going to tell me, that Cara and Xavier were involved. Why would that makes me freak out.
"Cara was one of Xavier girl back at the compound"
"What does that mean?" I asked confused
"She was brought in too.... erm please him" she paused
"Shethoughthimtoperforminthebed" she says quickly
"I didn't get that Stephanie" I said laughing nervously
"She was brought too teach him how to have sex" her face turned red
"What" I whispered speechless. How sick were they.
"So she took his virginity" I asked her, I could feel the tears forming already. Not because I was jealous but cause of how sick that sounded
"I'm sorry Vanessa"
"Why are you apologising, it wasn't you" I tell her
"When did this happen?"
"I think we were 13, but Cara was older than us she was 18"
"They made him have sex with an adult. That is sick, they technically **** him!"
"We didn't know it was wrong then" she reasoned with me
"We thought it was normal, that was normal to us. The sisters told us he needs to learn how to reproduce, for you"
"After that he kept asking for her till he turned 16 and then he left the compounded to look for you"
I sat there not knowing what to do with the information. It sounded disgusting. I can't imagine a young Xavier having sex with Cara.
"Did he like her?"
"I think at some point she liked him but he knew that they couldn't be together"
"I think they got together again" i tell her. She gave me a questioning look.
"He went to her house after I said I loved him" I tell her
"You said you loved him" she asked shocked
"After he said he loved me first" I quickly tell her
"Xavier said he loves you?" she at me as if I have two head.
"Yes, why do you look so surprised"
"I just never thought he knows what that felt like"
"He was always the dark unemotional one" she tells me
"If he went to see Cara maybe he went too talk to her"
"Maybe he wanted to talk to someone that understood what he feels"
"What do you mean" I questioned her
"You didn't grow up the way we need. No offence, you can't understand what if feels like to have you all life taken away from you"
"They told us god chose us, that we were the chosen. We were the example of what he wanted the world to be"
I look away from her ashamed. I knew what she meant, I can't understand what they feel. They had their all life being brainwashed. Their whole life was taken away from them.
"Looks like we are having a sleepover tonight" he says laughing
I gave him a pointed look and watched as she walked away from me.
"She doesn't know does she" Alan says grinning at me
"No she doesn't" I tell him "so don't say a word"
"It will be pretty hard not too when her stomach starts getting bigger"
"I just don't want her too freak out, she almost left cause of Cara. Thanks for that by the way"
He laughs "sorry, I wanted to surprise you"
"That was a dick move, you know Cara. She is clingy"
"Giving that she loves you it's not surprising"
"Vanessa fought her after I went to see her"
"Wait Vanessa beat her up" he asked laughing "what did you do?"
"I went to see her and she found out"
"I needed to think about things, just wanted to clear my head. Vanessa was never meant to find out"
"What did you need to think about" he asked looking at me weirdly
"Why are you here anyways" I ignore his question.
"My father" his face went hard
I knew the relationship between him as his father was bad. They never agreed on anything. He wasn't too expecting that his only son was gay. It was wrong in their eye.
I was the first person he told, I didn't judge him. And I kinda figured, he was the only one not having sex at that time. He was my brother, I don't see him any differently.
"He wants Stephanie to get married to some old fuck" he says angrily "I can't let that happen"
"I know, don't worry just a few more weeks and they won't bothers her again" I tell him.
"It's almost done" he asked shocked
"Yes, just need the green light" I say "but I caught one of my dads men trying to sneak in so we might not have that much time" I warn him.
"What are you going to do about Vanessa"
"If she finds out you gave the order to kill her mother and brother she will never forgive you" he reminds me.
"I know that" I whispered. I couldn't have her finding out. I can't lose her, she gave me hope, that I could live a different life. But I just didn't know how.
I was being selfish, but I wanted her to depend on me the way I do on her. I wanted to be the thing that made her want to live, the thing she can't live without. When she told me she loved me, it felt wrong. I know I didn't deserve her love but I wanted it. I wanted her to love me the way I loved her.
I would do anything for her, I have killed for her and I will do it again in a heartbeat to just see her smile. She was my god. And I've fucked up big time. I don't think she will forgive me this time.