33 I’m fine
The first few day we spent apart was torture. I spent most of my day locked in the room. I was avoiding him. He stopped trying to get me to forgive him the second night. I was making my dinner when he came in. He forced me against the counter and had his way with me not saying a word. I struggled against him for a while before I gave into it. I walked away when he was done not saying a word to him.
After that night he was hardly home. I would here him coming in at midnight. I always stayed up waiting for him, I couldn't sleep knowing he wasn't here. I knew he was either drunk or high, I could here him stumbling his way through the house and Dan telling him to be quiet. Not wanting to wake me up. Not knowing I was already awake.
Not that I could sleep away. I kept having the same nightmare. I would wake up back at the cabin and chained to the bed while they laughed at me. And by that I meant my father, Xavier's dad, Josh and Xavier. Basically everyone I met in LA. I would wake up sweating and crying. It felt so real. I knew that was what would happen if they caught me.
The next week was the same. I cut my hair shoulder length after a break down. I cried afterwards but it wasn't that bad. I actually liked it afterwards. It reminded me of my mother's short her.
He came home on drunk on Friday night. I heard him screaming in his room breaking things. I was hurting knowing that he was hurting. I was done punishing him but I didn't know how to tell him. He wasn't even looking at me. Let alone talk to me. But instead I went to bed falling asleep, feeling really tired.
I woke up with the urge to throw up. I sat up quickly trying to swallow it back down. I looked at the time it was just 3 in the morning. I held my hands against my mouth when I felt it coming up. I threw the covers stumbling off the bed. My legs were still asleep making me drop to the floor loudly. Shit I hope I didn't wake him.
I got up and ran to the toilet just in time. My stomach contracted violently just in time as I opened the toilet sit. I sank to my knees and retched until only clear liquid was coming up. My throat felt sore from the stomach acid that was layering it and my mouth tasted of vomit. I surveyed the mess with watery eyes and my stomach dry-heaved again. I quickly flushed before I throw up again.
"Vanessa, are you okay?" he was rubbing his eyes. I woke him up.
I didn't even hear him come in. I looked up at him breathing hard. He looked like a mess. I could see his stubble growing. I haven't seen him all week. He looked like shit. He had bags underneath his eyes.
He got on knees in front of me. I stared at him pushing my hair out of my face. "You cut your hair?" He asked.
My forehead was sweaty. I opened my mouth to say something but I felt it another one wave coming. The nausea clawed at my throat again, and I tried to force down the bile, but it was too late. My stomach kept on contracting violently and forcing everything up and out. I was dripping sweat, and tears. I felt him pulling my hair away from my face, rubbing my back.
"What did you eat?"
What did I eat last night. I made a steak. But I made sure the steak was well done. It tasted alright as well. But it did look a bit pink. But at least I knew I wasn't pregnant. I have been taking my pills.
"I had steak" I say wiping my mouth. This what happens when I cook for myself.
I got up slowly making my way to the sink. I need to brush my teeth. I could still taste it in my mouth. I was now aware that he was still in the bathroom.
"You can go, I'm fine" I say washing my mouth. Refusing to look at him.
"I'm not leaving you like this" he says standing behind me. I finally looked up at him through the mirror. I could feel the heat radiating off his body. He had a small smile on his face.
I didn't say anything, just let him watch me. I walked out of the bathroom when I was done, climbing back into bed. I left him in there. I didn't know what to say to him. My head was screaming at me to apologise but I didn't know how too.
After a few minutes I heard his footsteps leaving the bathroom. He was leaving. He paused next to bed, I thought he was gonna say something but he didn't. He took a deep breath and walked towards the door.
"Xavier.." I called out. More of a whisper, I was surprised he heard me.
I sat up and looked at him. He had his back to me. He turned around slowly. I could see the pain in his eyes. I caused him that. I told him I wouldn't leave him but yet I did. I wanted to take it away.
"Don't go " I say he looked at me surprised but started walking towards the bed.
I felt the bed dip as he joined me. He cupped my jaw. Making me look at him.
"I missed you," he whispered before taking my lips in his. He tugged me onto my side so I was facing him.
As he continued to kiss me, I felt his hands moving over my body until they stopped on my breasts. He pushed my shirt up. My nipples hardened as though begging for his touch. I wanted him.
My body was hypersensitive of his every touch as he trailed a finger over the swell of my breast and then circled my puckered nipple.
I hummed against his lips. Has he nibbled his way down my jaw to my ear, all the while playing with my nipples. This was for him.
I shivered against his lips, my hands going up as I delved my fingers into his hair.
His lips continued down, leaving a hot damp trail over my skin. He kissed over my collarbone, and then he stopped right over a rigid nipple.
He blew over the tip and my fingers tightened around his hair in anticipation. He licked the puckered tip of my nipple and I gasped, arching my back as I pushed my breast into him, demanding more.
He wrapped his lips around my nipple and sucked hard. I moaned loud, my nails dragging over his scalp. He licked, sucked, and teased, driving me crazy with each movement of his tongue over my nipple.
And then he moved to the other nipple, giving it the same attention. I was already wet and I quivered against him, pressing my thighs together.
Releasing my nipple with a pop, he gave it a last lick before laying down and pulling me to him. He wanted to sleep.
"This doesn't mean I forgive " I say. He looked at me before taking the nipples in his mouth. I tried to hide my wince. My breast felt very tender all of a sudden.
It was around 6 when I woke up to an empty bed. He left? I didn't even heard him getting up. I normally did.
I got up and made my way downstairs. Expecting to see Dan but he wasn't in the sitting room. Maybe he was outside. Sometime he goes outside for a smoke.
I stare at the vacant driveway and step onto the porch, my eyes scanning the empty drive way, but his nowhere to be seen.
"What are you doing?"
The low voice behind me makes me jump as I spin around, clutching my chest. My heart is pounding like a bass drum, echoing in my ears when I see Xavier standing inside the house, near the door. "You scared me!"
He's wearing a pair of dark sweat pants, barefoot, bare chested, partially encased in shadows that fade away when he steps forward. He raises an eyebrow, his expression serious when he asks again, "What are you doing?"
"I woke up and you were gone," I say, wrapping my arms tighter around me as another gust of cold air wafts by, making me shiver.
Before I can say anything else, he grabs my arm, pulling me back inside the house.
He shuts the door, making a point to lock it again, before he speaks. "I couldn't sleep."
"Where'd you go?"
"But your car's gone."
"It's in the garage."
"Why?" He always parked it out front
"Because that's where I put it."
His answers spark more questions, ones I don't get to ask. He reaches toward me, pressing his palm flat against my cheek, before his hand drifts down my neck. I tilt my head back, expecting him to keep going, but he pauses like that. I moved my fingertips pressing against his naked chest.
"Your heart's racing." I say
"It usually is around you."
His hand moves lower, his thumb grazing the dip in my throat as I swallow harshly. "Does this scare you?"
"I just said you did."
"That's not what I meant," he says, his eyes leaving mine to look at his hand wrapped around my throat.
Slowly, shake my head. I liked it when he choked me.
He starts to walk away, but I catch his arm to stop him, not wanting to go upstairs without him. He stalls, glancing down at where I'm touching him. My eyes drift that way, and I tense, seeing the claw marks on his arm. "What happened?"
He doesn't respond, he leans toward me, pressing a soft kiss on my lips before pulling from my grasp. "Go get some sleep, Vanessa. I'll be up in a bit."
I watched as she climbed the stairs. Thankful she didn't fight me on going back to sleep, I knew she was tired. I knew why she was tired, but she haven't figured it out. And I know when she does she would truly hate my guts. But right now I needed to take care of that fucker in the back of my trunk. I don't want her freaking out.
I waited till her heard her close the room door before calling Scott.
I was glad she didn't wake up a few minutes before. I was too busy stuffing that bastard in my car. I heard a noise coming from the back around 5 in the morning. I thought it was a raccoon or some animal, but instead I was one of my dads goons.
I knew it was a matter of time before he came here. It was a good 4 weeks, my plan was in place. But I didn't expect him to send that bastard.
I caught him trying to open the back door. He didn't see me so I had the upper hand when he came in. I took him by surprise, but he was still trained well. When I kicked him over, I was sure that woke Vanessa but it didn't.
We fought for a while before I was able to straggle him till he went unconscious. He clawed at my hands as I smiled down at him. But I made sure not to kill him. He needed to answer some questions. Why would my dad only send one man?
I put him in the back of my car and moved it to the garage incase he woke up. I cleaned the blood that was on the floor and changed out of my bloody clothes. That was when she came down.
"Scott, Tell Dan to get here, I need him to watch Vanessa. And get the basement ready, I'm coming in"
"Yes boss" he says before I hanged up the phone.
I walked into the kitchen. My mind went back to Vanessa throwing up this morning. I knew what I did was wrong, but I needed a way to make her stay. I know how fucked up that sounded but I couldn't let her leave me if she found out the truth about what I did 2 years ago.
I looked at the pill she was taking, holding it in my hands. She took it everyday thinking it was working. But what she didn't know was that it was a gazebo pill.